My thoughts
I have been philosophising a lot recently and it might seem that I have a lot of answers or wisdom. That is far from the truth. I am often confused and frustrated and therefore I continually search for advice from others. When I find a useful piece of information, I try to pass it along for anyone willing to listen. So, that brings me to this topic: the winding road. It is a useful metaphor for any quest or goal. Progress will never be a straight line and if you envision it to be so, you can become very frustrated. For instance, I am trying to exercise and eat better. When I "fall off the wagon" and miss my time at the gym or indulge late at night in copious amounts of carbs, I cannot kick myself too hard. I will stumble on my way down the new path. I will get lost. But hopefully, I will arrive at my destination. We are all human (an overused phrase if there ever was one). So, allow yourself (myself) to take the winding road on the way to a better life.
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Whether I have had a bad day or a bad gig, I try to remember to be realistic. Was the entire day a write-off or the entire performance poor? I can focus on the negative aspects of life at times. It is good to take a second and remind oneself of what was accomplished and enjoyed in the day. No matter how tough it gets, there is usually something positive that we can take away, but we may have forgot, e.g., a hug, breathing in deeply or a utopian state earlier in the day. It is too easy to give in to "the dark side" (at times). Look to the light (or whatever other metaphor you want to use) for your sake.
Black dirt is what you want to add to your lawn when adding new grass seed. Do not use top soil. It has weeds in it, and it will dry up and choke the new new grass. After reseeding your lawn each year, you need to be patient, as your work will not be rewarded right away. This is like anything in life: mastering an instrument, building a professional relationship with a university or starting up a website. Your progress can be excruciatingly slow. If you have had good advice and are on the right track, you must be patient and persistent. It is the only thing that will ensure a thick lawn or a successful career.
Sometimes I get so focused on the product or goal that I forget that I must enjoy the process and 99% of life is the process or the work. I chose music as a profession because I enjoyed "doing" it and helping others to understand it and to participate in the art. When I get preoccupied with how my solo sounded, how many courses I may teach in the fall, or when I might finish my composition, I have to give myself a slap and remind myself that life is really about the here-and-now: the performing, the teaching and the writing. Everything will fall into place in the future. It always has. If you cannot enjoy the present and are preoccupied with the future, what is the point? So, enjoy the journey.
It is no secret that I am a huge fan of Canadian rapper Classified. Here is an MC that writes his own rhymes and music, and collaborates with other established and up-and-coming Canadian artists. On top of that, his verses are clever, relatable, political, patriotic, pointed and/or joyous, depending on the song. It is just smart music.
What this post is really about is one of Classified's songs in particular, "Inspiration" on Self Explanatory (2009) (click the song title to see the video on youtube). I believe Self Explanatory to be a fabulous concept album. Back to the song - Classified is dedicating this song to a man named Phil who purchased a "beat" from him and passed away before he could see it to fruition. This is just another example of what sets Class apart from your typical rapper. This relates to what I am doing presently, which is finishing a song for Mario Canonico who recently passed away. I am thinking of calling it "I Remember Mario," with a nod to "I Remember Clifford" - although the only similarity would be the title. It will be premiered at the Newmarket Jazz+ Festival. I went to the viewing of Mario Canonico today and it was a special opportunity to meet his family and learn more about this great man who I have interacted with musically for years. For instance, I learned that he was a barber. Funny, as I have been looking for a decent hair stylist in Newmarket for years. I sat for a while at the funeral home and just took-in the pictures of the family. Sometimes we hurry to the gig and hurry home but Mario's passing made me think that I should take more time to inquire about my colleagues' family, hobbies and dreams.
While everyday is a search for a full-time position faculty position, I must step back and appreciate what I have. I am fully employed, classes split between two colleges and a university, and I am busy as a musician in the broadest sense. My schedule is flexible enough that I can see my kids off to school and then "struggle" with what to tackle on the to-do list - and the list is long. I often reflect on my friends who I went to school with and envy their positions in music faculties across North America. However, they might look at "my lawn" and envy the flexibility and variety in my day-to-day activities. So for now, I will try to remind myself to enjoy the journey, as the destination is a little hazy. I know where I want to go but I may choose the path less taken.
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Dr. Michael KearnsMusician, educator, husband, father, web designer ... my life is like a mosaic with each piece vying for my attention. Archives
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